One of my favourite Christmas presents was a book called "How do you tuck in a superhero?" by Rachel Balducci.
The author has five boys (and has since had a sixth child - a girl). The book is full of some great stories. My eldest grabbed the book last week and giggled his way through it and gasping at the amazing things these boys got up to. He read the best bits out to his brothers as we drove to our New Years party on Friday.
My response is a little more mixed.
It helped me appreciate that some of the things that drives me crazy about my children is just a boy thing. Stuff like no concern for hygiene, highly competitive and missing subtle social cues that girls pick up.
A book written by a mum about boys is just where I am at. There are things we don't understand, and things that we don't really like about boys.
She has a tiny bit of "I can't get enough of my boys" attitude that I find hard to read. Because there are many times when I've definitely had enough and just need time-out. She also has many stories about their backyard and the wrestling that kick-starts their days. Those things are hard to read because we don't have a backyard or the room to wrestle. Maybe that is why I get more tired of them - because I cannot kick them out into the backyard?
I loved the list "Stuff I say that no longer sounds crazy (to me)." and "Rules I can't believe I had to make." I cannot believe people who say, "We've only got two rules in our family." I'm always having to draw a new line in the dirt. Like - "No shooting at the table." This rule fits both of the above lists!
I really like her Family Rules. She writes, "The list hangs in our kitchen, and when I'm feeling low on energy and patience, I simply point to the standard or rule being broken before following through with consequences." p149 I'm seriously considering making one of my own. Particularly with this rule: "If we accidentally make a mess, we clean it up (or at least help)."
One small section was entitled "Oh-so-Tiny Acts of Love". This is a gem. It is helping me to open my eyes and appreciate all the hugs, the tiny ways they notice me and what I do and recognise that this is their way of showing me love.
But my favourite story is called "The Easy Life". She commented that many people say that boys are easier than girls. I wouldn't totally agree with that, but it does come up in conversation occasionally. The idea is that boys are less complicated emotionally and thus easier. I do agree with this, though, "If it's so easy, I wonder, why am I counting down the minutes to (bedtime)? Why do I sometimes find myself yelling? Why are there moments when the last thing in the world I want to do is get to the bottom of why your brother whacked you for no good reason?" p191
She then tells us of an outing to a museum. Of the big pep-talk in the car park about staying with her and not wandering off. Once inside, however, of course they rush everywhere and she is constantly reeling them in (sounds familiar to me). Then a friend who has five girls walks past - all the girls are holding onto a piece of their dad's clothing and walking calmly. Apparently the girls had also had a pep-talk and the consequence of taking off was to run laps or do pushups when they got home. Good consequences for a girl, but perhaps an incentive for boys?
Boys just love to explore, to be out there, not to linger or hold you hand, not to ponder or sit quietly for lengthy periods. This causes much angst and has shaped our family. We don't do shopping or art galleries as a pastime. We try to stay outdoors as much as possible. If we can ride or walk somewhere rather than catch a train or drive - we will!
Phew, this has turned into a long post. If you have boys, I recommend this book. Even if you have only one boy, it is worth it - even if to make you like you don't have such a bad deal. If you don't have boys, but have friends with multiple boys, it might help you to understand your friends better and be less judgemental. It is not bad parenting that makes boys be more wild and physical. They do need a firm hand and someone who can point out consequences to them. They do learn (be it ever so slowly), but - much of what we see is just how God made them.
Oh, and the author has a blog too. You can check it out here: http://www.testosterhome.net/
3 comments:
When our son was about 10 we went to visit the Maritime Museumin Sydney. This is a large building of several storeys. In the core of it was the remains of an old freighter with the top missing. So all the engines and inner workings were visible when you walked around several galleries. At one point we noticed our son was missing. As we looked around we noticed him two levels down right inside the ship, talking to a museum attendant. He was fascinated by all the workings of the ship and just went to explore. Having a son helpe you learn when not to panic.
That is so true, Ken. I often have people comment that I am so calm with the boys - it is because I've had 11 years of training. It is just not worth panicking. Our eldest, particularly, is always disappearing. Up till now he's always reappeared - usually with no feeling that he's been lost at all.
Thanks for posting this. I am getting this for my friend and coworker who has three boys. I was laughing out loud at your post and thinking of their family.
Thank you! And, God bless you:)
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